magic markers

Help! Im back in Los Angeles. And i am scared to death of losing the happy go lucky glow that you acquire from being as far as possible from this place. City of Angels they call it. Well, from my experience they must be a bunch that fell into a deep well. Its hard to find some tangible evidence to support the idea that people are inherently good when you live here. 

Theres a Psalm in the bible that is shockingly accurate in description of the breed of fallen people attracted to life in LA; he who boasts of the cravings of his heart, he who blesses the greedy, is prideful and in all his thoughts has no room for a God. Isnt it funny that back when the bible was written there were evil people reigning who were just like that. Nothings changed. These are the kinds of people who think that nothing will ever cause trouble for them and they renounce accountability. 

I feel like i have chosen to live in a city where everyone gets given a free magic marker upon entry. You get to write whatever the fuck you want on the wall with the marker and then you get to erase it so other people who want to take a look at it see what you want them to see. And i guess if you dont believe in a God system of accountability then nothing you do can be something that bites you back in the long run. Since everyone mucks up in life im always hearing people use this as an excuse to say that since imperfection is inevitable why pretend otherwise and best ignore any effort to attain perfection. I think that is why everyone gets to publish, erase without guilt. Being spiritual equals a risk of condemnation. Who wants that? I think that is what gives birth to hedonism. 

I hate hedonism. Theres a point where you've done everything under the sun to run free from structure, free from pain, free from expectation and you just stop. What is the point of "getting happy" and maintaining your happiness through constantly seeking out a stream of pleasurable activities to quench your interest? When all the activities become boring and you run out of material things to get excited about whats next? I guess death. In the sense of identity. You're nothing but a mess of the same stuff as everyone else whos doing the same thing. Whats special about you? What exactly did you trade up for a plethora of quick fixes? 

I see the huge fork in the road in society right now and seems very clear that you can either submit to the culture of greed and gain maximum pleasure for your self out of this lifetime and hope to God (well if you believe in one) that it turns out in your favor once the lights go out or you can start looking at the big question of what happens in the end and what you need to do about it now. Keeping the end in mind has never been so present for me since moving to a city where you learn to live for today and forget tomorrow. I dont buy into the bullshit about staying in the present moment if you cant keep the eternal in mind while youre doing it. 

So back to the magic marker metaphor. I think that it would be nice to see a few more people in this town who bother to pen their existence on the wall for others to see. Im not the perfect example of someone who has done this in the past but im ready to at least do something about it because i havent really got anything else to live for than that. Do i? I think living without a reason is what hellish existence is. Maybe in the end, you get to sit in a room surrounded by big blank walls of all the things you did when you were alive that someone else greater than you erased with an even bigger magic eraser because none of the stuff you did when you lived counted...